It’s gone, then, and by the end, I was almost glad it had. As I’m sure many of you will have experienced before, trying to sell a car at the around the £1000 mark attracts some interesting people, many of whom aren’t the slightest bit concerned by completely wasting your time. Even so, one week on, I’m missing the BMW's moody stance and smooth six-cylinder engine.

Okay, so there are probably a few things I could have done a bit better, although chief among those I couldn’t have predicted at all. With access to our photo studio, I convinced staff snapper John Bradshaw (with the help of some tea and biscuits) that shooting my car would be a great idea. I think you’ll agree that, judging by the pictures above, he did a half-decent job.

However, it would appear he did too good a job, as many of the people taking a look (some 3500 on eBay alone) thought it had to be a scam with such good quality pictures at such low money. As a result, there was little genuine interest, and my - admittedly very cheeky - initial £1995 asking price soon tumbled past £1500, then £1200, coming to rest at £1000. “I’m not going lower than that”, I said confidently.

So, of course, a month later there I was clutching £750 cash watching a young chap beaming from ear to ear as he screeched off down the road in the E34. 

I can hear your groans of disappointment, but after a solid month of being messed around by people kicking the tyres, not turning up and asking for my account number from an oil rig, I was happy to have it gone. Also, given that I’d sold the original wheels on it for a decent profit, I’d actually got back what I’d paid for the car in the first place. Overall I'm down though, given insurance, tax and the work done, but I’ve had fun doing it, and the £180 or so spent feels worth it for the experience.

Ignoring the new buyer’s threats to fit BMW ‘halo’ daytime running lights, I can also take some pleasure from the fact that I helped preserve an E34, if only for a moment. At the end of the day, it’s a 520i auto, not an M5, so it was never going to command huge money, photographed in a studio or not. I’ll probably always regret not getting a little bit more for it, but with a wedding around the corner, £750 in the pocket is a good thing. 

So for now, I’ll be taking a step back from dodgy old crate ownership. Anybody who has been married knows that the word ‘wedding’ triples the price for any product or service, and as such, the finances need to be assessed before committing to a longer-term project. I’ll be back with more on that soon. Did somebody say Alfa Romeo Spider?

Part one

Part two

Part three

Part Four

Part Five