“You could start your own war in this thing. Strap a Howitzer to the roof rack, poke your head out the sunroof and those neighbourhood conflicts over yapping dogs, slacker kids playing obnoxious rap, and ’er-across-the-street blocking your driveway could be a thing of the past. Ker-boom.”
That’s how, back on 25 June 2002, Autocar’s Howard Walker introduced the Hummer H2, the motoring embodiment of a culture that brought us the right to bear arms, oil wars and, of course, the election of you-know-who to the most world’s powerful political position.
The Hummer story began back in 1991, when the Terminator himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger, first set eyes upon the Humvee military vehicle, famed for its presence in Operation Desert Storm, and convinced AM General to make a civilian version: the H1.
The H2 came about after AM General signed a deal with General Motors (GM).
“I was involved with the development of the H2 every step of the way,” Arnie told Autocar. “I made sure GM made it as ballsy and rugged as the original, but with just a little bit more luxury.
“You bet GM has delivered. Just look at those deltoids. Look at the quads. This vehicle will take you anywhere you want to go.”
So, continued Autocar, “stand to atten-shun, straighten up that flak jacket, sonny, and salute the arrival of the quite remarkable H2.
“It goes on sale in the US next month for the princely sum of $48,800 (£33,000). There’s even talk of limited UK availability, although in left-hand-drive form only.
“While the H2 shares its platform and mechanical bits and pieces with the mainstream Chevrolet Tahoe 4x4, it has a body that looks to be part armoured truck, part brick outhouse. But full marks to the GM design crew for managing to incorporate the elements of a military fighting machine into what is, in fact, a very civilised family hold-all.
“Those girder-like step-in bars running across the sills are crucial to effecting any sort of entry into the H2. Without them, it’d be one giant leap for mankind and a near-impossible leap for pre-teens.