It's the end of the week, so it mut be time for some more Daftas
Accessory of the week; Land Rover Bush hat
The Land Rover bush hat retails for £49 and is apparently part of a merchandise campaign to promote the company’s reputation for the “rugged outdoor lifestyle.”
Which is nice.
Also in the pipeline are fake alligator bite scars that can be painted on to the face, gigantic real-life ‘tashes that can be either glued or velcro’d to the top lip, a pair of vast strap on gonads with which the velcro ‘tash accessory can be used in conjunction to create extra drama when worn with short trousers, plus a Land Rover embossed sledge hammer for that authentic “ah bollocks, just whack it with this mayte” style of after sales.
Most irritating web contributor of the week; not awarded
For a while kash4011 was firmly in the running for this DAFTA, having had a pop at us – and all the other car mags and websites – for not running long term Fiats or Alfas.
I was going to point out to kash4011 that the reason Fiat and Alfa won’t dish out long term test cars is because they don’t have the financial resources to do so like the Audis, Fords and BMWs of this world do. But that would have been far too sensible an answer.
I then wondered about making a joke of it all, pointing out that the real reason is because, after a year in the hands of the average car journo, there would be nothing left to hand back except perhaps a badge, and maybe an inner tube. Or a glovebox lid. But that would have been far too predictable.
So no one gets the DAFTA this week. Please try to be more irritating in future, thank you.
Most successful blag of the week; Head of Toyota GB, Miguel Fonseca, who has already taken delivery of a shiny new Aston Martin Cygnet, which he will be driving for personal use only.
Nice one Miguel, one always has a sneaking admiration for the blagger who manages to pull it off.
Please make extra-treble-sure that the throttle pedal doesn’t snag on those new carpets, though, which will of course be somewhat thicker and snaggier than those fitted to your regular Toyota iQ.
And for heaven’s sake don’t park it in the sun…
Over ambitious announcement of the week; Lamborghini
In direct response to its arch rival Ferrari’s claim that it will be producing six new models “before 2013”, Lamborghini has announced that, in a unique joint venture with English company Farrow & Ball, it will be launching eight new cars by the end of next week.
As well as a new orange and black Murcielago SV designed specifically for the Chinese market, there will also be a really nice mauve one, an apple orchard green one, a whitey-grey French one, a “brown and nasty” one, a yellowy-cream one…
Let’s just hope that they’re right – of the week; GM claiming that its distinctly crashable-looking EN-V concept is, in fact, impossible to crash.
So, if you’re driving or riding along in, or whatever GM reckons you do in an EN-V, and a 20-tonne Norbert Dentressangle mows you down like a piece of wet cigarette paper, as far as GM’s concerned this won’t actually be classified as a crash.
Instead it’ll be referred to as a Personal Reaction Amid Negative G – in which the two poor sods “driving” their EN-V just happen to end up resembling mashed potato.
In light of which, maybe they should rename it the EN-Me Within.
Concern of the week; that the 5.3-metre long Citroen Metropolis may be in real danger of snapping in half during its maiden voyage.
Then again, Citroen could always market the resulting carnage on a two-for-the-price-of-one basis. The Chinese market, at which the Metropolis is squarely aimed, loves a bargain after all.
Chirpy and generally uplifting moment of the week; the official announcement that car production is up 90.2 per cent on this time last year.
Deep breath, one-two-three – four – five – – six------ seven---------- (I can’t hold it any more, she’s gonna blow, help meeeeeeee)
And relax… So until this time next week