Are you a gangster? It seems unlikely. They don’t subscribe to weekly car magazines, or if they do, they don’t enter into much correspondence with us.

Perhaps that is understandable, what with all that gangstering. I suppose their days are preoccupied with issues like shooters and pigs – they go through bone like butter, you know – rather than writing to Autocar. Which is a shame, because I could use a gangster’s opinion. 

Gangsters need cars, right? If you are one, how do you decide which car to have? Spending frivolously on something inappropriate would be a distinctly ungangsterish thing to do. 

The other day I watched a film called Atomic Blonde, in which a dodgy spy – dodgy enough to be 
a gangster of sorts – puts a semi- conscious body into the boot of a Porsche 911, alongside two flight cases. That’s clearly not going to work, is it? Two flight cases would be a challenge enough, without the addition of a burly Stasi officer.