Small Chinese-made flags fluttering from foreign hatches - you couldn’t make it up.

This week, those England flags flying from car windows everywhere are top of my most irritating list – and they will remain so until we go out on penalties.

Obviously at my country pile I fly the flags of all the competing nations (joke), and on the road I drive a British-built vehicle, so I feel no flag is required (no joke).

In these dark times, which are reminiscent of the ‘export or die’ climate of the late ’40s we really should be backing Britain. But we really don’t have much to export, do we?

I’d like it if Gordon Murrary’s Little Tikes-like T25 made it big, but stuffing batteries into a prettier Smart would seem to me to be the more obvious answer.

At the very least we ought to be able to build a van of some sort – and I mean something not based on an old Sherpa. Such an invention could put the country back to work.

I understand the Post Office bought a load of Transit Connects (made in Turkey) but the paddle shifts have proved problematical. Now its back to Peugeot Partners, which are also not made in England, Scotland, Wales, or Northern Ireland.

So, whatever British car we design, the problem will be that even the last few remaining British companies won’t buy it. So we’re doomed…

…Or are we?

Could I initiate an unofficial competition to design or adapt a car that is truly British and that we would all want to buy?

How can we fail? You come up with the idea, I’ll sketch it out, we’ll build it together and then Sir Steve Cropley can be appointed CEO and get on with selling the lot of them.

I don’t see how we can fail in this new venture. The Autocar Car.

Here’s a blank screen for you. Go on, make it up…