So, if I am to travel 1000 miles on a single tank of diesel in my Seat Leon Ecomotive, here’s just a taste of what I should do: tape up the shut gaps (only if I’m desperate on the way back), empty the glovebox (done), have a haircut (thanks for the reminder), drive at off-peak times (how busy can the M25 be at 8am?), keep revs below 1700rpm (noted) and wear shorts (have you seen the weather forecast?!).

That’s just the start. I also have to: avoid hills and cold weather (I forgot to mention I’m driving to Scotland…), not always use top gear (fifth gear?), burn a fire beneath the engine before starting to warm it up (just no), don’t use the radio (let’s hope I get on with photographer Malcolm), drive at 56mph (this is quite likely), pump up the tyres (done), limit braking and acceleration (good advice) and remove everything that isn’t bolted on (I lost the parcel shelf six months ago…).

And if all this fails, I’m to change my sleep patterns (I’m writing this blog at 11pm before a 6am start), warm the engine before brimming (good tip), fill up at the coldest time of day (frost forecast tomorrow), and use a premium diesel (also a good tip).