The Frankfurt motor show’s array of new metal is as fascinating as ever and, were it not for the small matter of preparing the next few weeks’ road tests, I’d dearly love to be there.

Not least because, while interviewing the big cheeses, I could ask several of them to take themselves outside and have a severe word with themselves for giving their cars such ludicrous names.

I blame the inevitable (and creditable) influx of low- or no-CO2 cars: applying associated initials, or plays on words, to their names seems to almost inevitably have unfortunate connotations.

The Volkswagen E-Up, for example. Yes, very good, I can see where they’ve got that from: Electric, and the Up. I suspect VW’s naming team have not, however, recently been given a traditional northern English welcome.

Is Audi’s e-tron a 2010 re-make of the Jeff Bridges classic? And BMW’s Vision ED will presumably not, this time around, be presented by Tony Hart.

Citroen Revolte: is there a language in which Revolte means something nice?

Hyundai ix-metro: surely, the only thing worse than a Metro, or eight, is nine of them.