In a frighteningly all-too-real press release issued last week, Lotus revealed that it has signed rapper Swizz Beatz as its new Vice President of Creative Design and Global Marketing. Below is the not-at-all-real follow up…

Following on from the appointment this week of Mr Swizz Beatz as VP of Creative Design and Global Marketing – Lotus now looks set to ‘batter’ the world of cars still further with an all-new machine known internally as the Fur-Q.

Powered by a ‘steamed’ V8 and riding on fur-ee-toooo inch wheels with spinners and Toeally phat tyres, the Fur Q could, claim our sources, be the ultimate rocket from Norfolk. (Dope.)

Hethel’s usually quiet and reserved engineers were, by all accounts, encouraged to ‘stroke the elephant’ when designing the Fur-Q’s underpinnings. Chassis guru Matthew Becker told bosses that he was ‘really chuffed’ with the way the prototype car steers, rides and handles – but unfortunately they couldn’t understand a word he was saying. The only handling that they’re concerned about, an insider claims, is of goods that haven’t necessarily paid for up front, naa-imean. (Flava.)

As yet, Lotus hasn’t unveiled a name for its new supercar, but rumour has it that head of global everystuff Mr Beatz is ‘positive’ about the project as a whole. ‘My vibe is special on this’ he said in a low, quiet, slightly unconcerned yet cringingly sincere voice. (Mash.)