Because whoever it is – whoever makes the final decision and puts the tick in the box marked ‘sorted, done, ready for public distribution’ – should take a good long look at themselves right now. And then take a leaf out of their counterpart’s book over at Honda, and roll forwards gently on to their sword.

I’m talking here about the Audi RS3, and more specifically about the gaping chasm of inconsistency that lies between this car and the last one produced by the very same department, the mostly excellent Audi RS5.

 

How can two such similar attempts to hit broadly the same target end up so far apart? How come Audi’s RS division can get it so fundamentally right one minute, and so curiously wrong the next?

And it’s not as if it hasn’t happened before. A few years back they gave us the RS4, which, right out of nowhere, was downright brilliant. And then promptly followed it up with the deeply misguided, 2.2 tonne leviathan-of-a-car called the RS6, and then the so-so TT RS, and then the really rather excellent RS5 – with the even better R8 models appearing somewhere in-between.

What on earth is going on at Quattro GmbH, makers of Audi’s RS and R8 models for the last umpteen years? Why can’t they alight on a formula and deliver to that brief from one new car to the next?

It’s almost as if one team of people is responsible for certain models, and then another entirely different team creates the others, often using the same or similar components.

That’s no way to keep The Faithful, faithful. That’s no way to run a car company, period. And if there’s anyone out there from Audi or Quattro GmbH who’d like to contribute, feel free. We’re all ears – because we’re just baffled.