There are a few points I should like to bring to the attention of the board of management of Porsche AG. They’re not criticisms, but they have been keeping me awake recently and, frankly, I think it’s about time the company acted on them.
So, in no particular order:
Point 1: can I just say well done on the Cayman S. I think it could be the best driver’s car the company’s ever made. I’m not particularly qualified to say that, as I haven’t driven most of them, but I really do like the Cayman S. It's usable, it's quick, it's outragously enjoyable to interact with as a driver. All it needs is a tiny bit more focus; a smidge more go. Which brings us on to…
Point 2: has any thought been given to the possibility of slotting a slightly detuned version of the old 996 911 GT3’s 3.6-litre motor into it? I reckon it’d be perfect for the job: it’d want about 360bhp at 7000rpm, and to be geared to about 185mph. Question is, has anyone tried to make it fit? If so, does it; if not, why not?
Point 3: what, exactly, are most of your engineering fellers doing now that the full 997 911 family is complete and on the road? They can’t all be on the Panamera project, surely. Are they polishing old 356s in the museum? Are they doing spring rate calculations for practise in the canteen? Isn’t it about time you gave them something important to get on with?
Point 4: have you noticed how soft and underwhelming the new BMW M3 is? I’ve driven it a couple of times, and after the last M3, I find it more than a bit of a disappointment. With the Audi RS4 being no more, there’s a rather large gap (call it an opportunity if you’re feeling brave) for someone to come along in the next year-or-so with a really focussed, satisfying, purist, £50,000 to £55,000 driver’s car, don’t you think?
Point 5: the current Cayman S costs £44,080. A basic 911 Carrera costs £60,810. Quite why I’m telling you this I don’t know; possibly to demonstrate that it clearly leaves plenty of room for something in between. Almost £17,000-worth of room, if we’re naming names. And no one in the market for a hardcore Cayman is ever going to be tempted by a boggo C2; they're worlds apart, positioning-wise. So there's no overlap issue whatsoever. And there isn't a 997 owner in the world who would really care if you made a run of Caymans that were quicker around the 'Ring.
Point 6: am I wrong when I guesstimate that you could shave between 100 and 150kgs from the Cayman’s kerbweight, by substituting the leather seats for lightweight buckets, junking the audio, NAV and HVAC systems, and spending a few quid extra on some lighter chassis bits and some carbon panels? Have you done this with any of them? If you have, can I have a go please? It'd make my year.
Point 7: when is Walter Rohrl going to wake up and find the LSD-equipped Cayman he so clearly lusts after parked in his driveway? God knows he's sat through enough of your press conferences to deserve one.
And finally, to Point 8: are you familiar with that funny little American expression ‘the no-brainer?’ Most dictionaries define it as “something so obvious, simple, etc. as to require little thought.”
Most people who’ve driven a Cayman S, however, define it as your option to develop, build and sell a Cayman RS. Or a Clubsport – whatever you want to call it. I know I want one, and I know I’ll continue to lose sleep until you make one.
So when do we get one?