As it is actually Christmas I thought we could have a day off from driving - surely the best thing to do what with that hangover you’ve got. So I thought instead we could have a perfect petrol heady Christmas together, but not in a car.
First of all I would like to be woken up by the sound of an engine and not an alarm. Part of me wants a Porsche 917 at full chat at Le Mans. Actually, though, I would prefer to be burbled awake by the throaty rumble of a Triumph Stag V8. And your preferred exhaust note?
Next up is breakfast. As it is a busy day I’d want a full Olympic please. My local Little Chef will have to bring it and presumably I’ll have to reheat it.
So what would you order?
Presents. Well I’d like to bring back the finely made driving glove. String back of course. So hopefully there is a set of those under the tree in wrapping paper with my Mini Cooper on it. So there you go, what pressie do you want and what is it wrapped in?
Now there is usually a walk at some point. It may have a point, which is to get you to the pub, or take the dog out for a run, but how about we build a go-kart to push down that hill? I’ve got the pram bit of a mower with the engine missing. I could just sit on that and you could push me around until I got bored with the whole thing. What would your go-kart be made out of?
I’ll skip lunch as I’m still pretty full of Olympic bits and bobs. Let’s play a game. It could be Top Trumps, but really the very best game you can play involving cars that isn’t Grand Theft Auto, is Scalextric. I think we can all agree on that. But what cars? The Italian Job Minis? Bodie’s Capri and Doyle’s Escort. Arthur Daley’s Jag and Terry’s Capri? What about you?
Now that was all rather exhausting wasn’t it? So now we need to lie back and watch a film of some sort. I like anything that’s old British so that I can look at the street scenes and look at parked classics. Actually I am inclined to clear the living room by putting on Steve McQueen’s Le Mans. I might, though, put on a Rallycross DVD. ITV’s World of Sport and a muddy field is where old rally cars went to have fun. Minis, Imps, Escorts, brilliant. So what visual entertainment will you force the family to watch?
And that’s it. I feel a little bit sick, I’m certainly tired and all I have to do is slump into my undersized Formula 1 car-shaped bed I bought from MFI before they shut down. I’d love to know how you spent today.