It’s a warm welcome, then, to the new Vauxhall Badge... sorry, Insignia. Out goes the meaningless Vectra name and in comes, well, another odd monicker that has yet to prove it has any real significance. Presumably the clever lawyers and cunning linguists at GM have found that Insignia won’t be remotely offensive in sensitive markets such as the Sudanese Republic. Here’s conclusive proof, then, that cars are often better known without names, but by a simple range of numbers and letters, a la Audi, Mercedes and BMW. Which is actually quite boring, isn’t it?

What we need is a return to proper names that cause as much offence as possible. Triumph Spitfire anyone? Don’t think that was banned in Germany, and I’m sure that they loved the Bristol Brigand too.

The Triumph Stag was another rubbish car, but it has a fantastically macho name, ditto the Hawk, so animal names are brilliant. And they don't even have to be real animals: TVR was onto a winner with Tuscan and Cerbera and other cars named after scary mythical beasties.

Or you could always go for geographical names. Personally I felt comforted when BMC decided to name entire model ranges after the home counties. I'm sure the Spanish feel very similarly about the Seat Alhambra. And my dad’s Morris Oxford was all the better for being associated with a pair of shiny brogues.

So let's compare and contrast: "my dad’s got an Oxford, Stag, Tuscan," and "my dad’s got an Insignia". It sounds like a disease you could catch, or a dodgy tattoo. Shape up Vauxhall, take a look in your history books, and give your car a proper name. Let's welcome back the Vauxhall Victor, I say.