According to Bernard Lawson, Acting Deputy Chief Constable of Merseyside Police, all officers in the Merseyside area are now "on the look-out for smoking motorists." And if any motorist is unfortunate enough to be caught red handed, so to speak, while lugging on a Lambert & Butler they will, says Lawson, be fined £60 on the spot and could well face prosecution for driving without due care and attention. Drivers found dragging on a Silk Cut will not be prosecuted, however, due to the fact that there is no actual nicotine present in these particular cigarettes.

You think I’m making this up. I’m not.

OK, the Silk Cut reference – amazingly – is not contained within the new edition of The Highway Code, but the rest is pure fact. In the latest version of The Book the Department for Transport also recommends that motorists who change a CD while driving, eat, drink, and/or listen to loud music could also face prosecution because they "might not be in proper control of their vehicle and could therefore be a danger to other road users."