The troubling appeal of the Rover 800 coupe

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Too little too late

This car was built for a world that it never reached, and a situation that sadly, never occurred – namely the rejuvenation of demand, or a light rekindling of interest, in Rovers in the United States.
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Fake papers

Though had it made it there, the 800 Coupe would have been badged as a Sterling rather than Rover, the parent company choosing this name partly to avoid linking it to the randomly disintegrating Range Rovers out there, and also because the company risked being litigated against by ex-Rover dealers had it reintroduced the brand over there. Apparently they hadn’t been terminated, as the saying goes, when Rover withdrew the P6 in the early ‘70s, and could have sued for the right to sell the 800. Hmm.
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Reputation

And a re-launch was what the 800 Coupe was about, not so much of Rover but of Sterling, which was facing an early devaluation (sorry) following the launch of the 800 saloon, which despite being heavily based on the original Honda Legend, managed to display the kind of hair-tearing electrical reliability that inspired all those American Lucas jokes.
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Lucas

For the benefit of the young and unscarred, Lucas was a British firm that made many of the electrical components that caused British cars to malfunction endearingly, by failing to start on a winter’s night, or plunging their patience-stretched owners into total darkness, or demanding the application of a sharp mallet-tap to the fuel pump to restore the petrol supply. Which is how Lucas came to be known as the Prince of Darkness.
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Quality

And amazingly – or perhaps not – the Sterling had lots of these problems, and others besides. Turning on the air conditioning could make the headlights go dim, while thunderstorms might kill the electrical supply altogether. And then there were dashboards that warped and turned green in the desert sun, rear parcel shelves that bleached white and alarms that triggered when dampened.
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Re-launch

This fine array of faults soon had American buyers reconfirming their unfavourable views of British cars, prompting Austin Rover to engage re-launch mode (a regularly fingered button), with a new line-up of debugged Sterling 800 saloons, a Fastback version (in a market that didn’t buy hatches, as demonstrated by the failure of the Rover SD1) and this (moderately) handsome two-door Coupe that was originally planned for America only.
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Final flourish

But by the time it had been tooled up Sterling had withdrawn from the US, leaving Europe to take this curio instead. High-end versions were beautifully trimmed (the deluded thought them Bentley-like), and the later 2.0 Turbo was impressively quick, exposing the flaws in the 800’s compromised suspension to excellent effect.
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Lovable loser

But as a comfy, lightly stylish runabout – and as a British failure – I find the 800 Coupe a troublingly appealing thing.

How much today? Runners start at £800 but a minter will cost you over £1500.