Should you buy a VW Phaeton?

Too good to be true?

Remember - a car isn’t necessarily a bargain just because it has lost a huge percentage of its value over a few years, because a few years after that it will probably do so again. And it will keep on shedding pounds like a man with savage and terminal dysentery. Which doesn’t make examining the market for VW Phaetons any less compelling. 

A barge too far

The Phaeton was pitched as a luxury car but didn’t necessarily have the luxury badge to go with it. Values consequently  dropped like a stone. And it will carry on depreciating like the sky has fallen in until the bitter end arrives in about 10 years time, I imagine, which means that you’ll still be losing the price of a decent new hatchback every year. Which is the trouble of course.

Mistaken identity

In fact, the VW bit is mere wrapping in a way, because the platform of this car is also available with different branding that alters the depreciation curve from rocket-falling-to-earth, to plane-in-aerobatic-dive should it be an Audi A8, or aircraft-on-approach if it happens to be clothed by haute couturier Bentley. But back to the bargain-if-you-think-about-it-the-wrong-way Phaeton. Let’s remember some of the mad things that make this car special. 

Electronic extravegance

It has electrically operated air vents, a quartet of exquisitely-hewn dams of wood motoring back and forth across the outlet grilles as you satisfy your micro-climate whims. No car nut needs such things until they have seen them perform, after which they are stored in the memorable-motor-vents-though-motoring-history vaults of their car-crazed minds, along with sliding plate louvers of the Saab 9000. Anyway, I’ll stop there about air vents. But not about the Phaeton. 

Swan song

This car was one-time VW boss Ferdinand Piech’s final wheeled creation and as a result, was engineered to satisfy some of his more demanding and eccentric desires.

It is, for instance, capable of cruising at maximum speed –155mph in the case of the V8s and V10s - in a 40 degree celsius heat (104 degrees farenheit) while maintaining a constant cabin temperature of 20 degrees celsius (68 degrees farenheit) without overheating. That’s of little use most of the time of course, but it’s good to know it can do it.

Over the top

VW’s indulgent one was also available with a 28-solar-panel sunroof that can generate 37watts of energy, cooling the car by as much as 20 degrees celsius (68 degrees farenheit), had doorframes of extruded aluminium, had been designed to withstand roll-overs with minimal roof damage, had air suspension and all but the entry-level V6 had four-wheel drive. And the electrical architecture ran to three CAN BUS systems, 3.2 kilometres of cabling, 2000 wires and 64 control units. Which is one reason why, rightly or wrongly, cars like this depreciate so fast.

Who will be able to fix the electrics in 2018 for less than the price of a Caribbean short break?

Mile muncher

Truth is, though, that the Phaeton will probably be reliable for massive mileages because it has been so well engineered, and even if an air-vent goes down it’s not going to prevent you enjoying the rest of the car. The cheapest Phaetons start at just £2,000 with the V10 TDi costing around £7,000. W12 Phaetons are extremely rare in the UK and none are available at present - but such versions are available in rather larger numbers in the US from only around US$12,000.