Secret agent James Bond 007 reports on his new car, the Aston Martin DB10, in this extensive road test.
For the attention of the Quartermaster. The name’s… actually, to hell with all that – you know damned well who I am and why I’m writing this. Your Aston Martin DB10 is now resting at the bottom of the Tiber, from where the authorities of the Metropolitan City of Rome would be grateful if you could retrieve it at your earliest convenience. In fact, they were quite insistent on the subject.
It is there because, I assume thanks to Whitehall cutbacks, you omitted to equip said Aston Martin with the full complement of what your illustrious predecessor referred to as ‘the usual refinements’.
If, for instance, it had had the same sub-aqua capabilities as the Lotus Esprit, which you’d remember as well as I if you were actually alive at the time of its creation, I’d have been able to return the equipment to you in the same perfect working order as I returned Wet Nellie to Major Boothroyd, save for the lingering aroma of pilchards.
In the event, and despite your frankly delusional claims about the car’s capabilities, it turned out that the DB10 was entirely unable to outrun a Jaguar C-X75, providing me with no option but to eject myself (nice touch, that) and leave the car to take its natural trajectory into the aforementioned body of water.
Anyway, I understand from Moneypenny that you have requested a full written assessment of the car, which, I might add, I consider something of a bloody cheek, given that it was built for 009 and I was only able to steal it because you’re not half as clever as you think you are. All I got was a sodding watch.
Nevertheless, I accept it was your sole functioning prototype and it might take even longer to restore to full working order than the DB5, not least because the river police have punched holes in its roof to secure buoys that indicate its location to passing traffic. So because I find myself temporarily between psychotic Bedlamites hell-bent on world domination, I adhere to your request.