It was my considerable misfortune last Monday to catch Classic Car Rescue on Channel 5. I mistakenly thought that an hour of prime time telly involving finding, restoring and selling a classic would be truly fascinating.
Now I’ve actually been involved with cars on telly. I know how it all works and just sometimes how things are exaggerated, fixed and blown out of all proportion for the entertainment of the masses. I lasted one day on a show that seemed to want to insult the average motorist's intelligence. I made my excuses and left the production office with a clear conscience.
Top Gear have turned mucking about with cars into an art form. One that can’t be copied. However, that hasn’t stopped the makers of Car Crash TV, sorry Classic Car Rescue, trying.
Contrived scenarios that were painful to watch. It was also painful to listen to a big fat bully making a drama out of a manufactured crisis. I refuse to dissect what’s wrong with the programme I saw, which involved restoring an MGB for 10p, then getting it valued by a bloke who didn’t even put it on a ramp.
Channel 5 needs to think again, but it is unlikely that it will. I watched the programme with someone who isn’t bothered by cars and hated it. Yet will sit and enjoy three middle aged blokes on Top Gear.
Even though I am old, cynical, tired and quite ugly, I still get approached for TV programme input. Most recently, three production companies and the BBC have discovered via Google that I’m the go-to guy for the German car industry and the 1980s. They needed a shedload of information for a documentary they are making.
Unfortunately for them, I am not a potential intern willing to work for nothing. Yet they admitted they knew nothing about the subject. I think that’s how bad TV shows involving cars get made.