Who are the worst drivers in Europe?

Answer; Belgians.

Actually, I think they could be the worst drivers in the world. In the universe. In infinity, wherever that is. Certainly they are an awful lot worse at driving, generally speaking, than we are in green and magnificent England – although I did see a bloke on the M1 the other day, trying and failing to pull a jumper over his head while doing 82mph out in lane three.

This is nothing compared to what you see Belgian drivers doing on a regular basis in Belgium nowadays however. I’m not sure when the transformation happened, but all Belgians now seem to drive either Volvo estates, Audi A6s or BMW 5-Series GTs. And they all seem to be texting, phoning or smoking; or turning round and having an argument with the person in the back seat while doing so.

As a result, there are now two ways that you can tell whether the car ahead is being driven by a Belgian or not. One, it will be wandering around all over the road, not indicating when it changes lane, and occasionally firing itself straight across three lanes for no apparent reason. Or it will have a Belgian number plate.