How much is fuel now, £10 a gallon? It might as well be and I’ve had enough. So this year I’m going to power an engine with something other than what’s on offer down at the service station. It could all go wrong and end in some sort of explosion, or anti terrorist prosecution scenario, but I will take that risk. I would like your help, though.

I want to power a conventional petrol or diesel engine with an alternative fuel, or make a substantial increase in mpg by fair means or foul.

I don’t really want perpetual motion proposals, unless they really do work of course. Tempted as I am to build a battery car, or some compressed air contraption, I’d rather see if we can keep those infernal combustion/compression-ignition engines we have lying around under our bonnets.

I have a couple of Briggs and Stratton Mower engines that can be sacrificed in the interests of research and are simple enough to work on, and beyond that my 2.25-litre petrol Land Rover engine still has points and a carb.

Anyone who suggests chip fat will be hunted down and have a savaloy shoved in their gob. I know an awful lot about waste oil and believe me, the market is sewn up.