So farewell, Lewis. It was nice of you live here for 22 years before clearing off for tax purposes.
All you had to say was "I want to keep more of my money thanks, and go and live where all the other F1 drivers and cuckoo clocks live." Instead, I read that you found it a bit difficult to use the toilet at petrol stations. Well guess what: so do I. It’s either out of order or when I get the key and open the door, suddenly I don’t want to go. I’ve been forced to nip round the back of the car wash to relieve myself on previous occasions; mercifully, Shell had elected not to press charges when their lawyers last spoke to mine.
Tax is inevitable. It’s horrible, it’s too much, but as a 22-year-old you shouldn’t be worried about paying it. You should be more concerned with having some money left at the end of the week, like any other 22-year-old in the country. That's because those of us in normal jobs - the sort you get just after leaving uni - are pretty skint. I appreciate that you're not your the typical early-20s Brit, but it'd be good to read that, in return for your extraordinary good fortune, you were prepared to contribute to the country's collective pension fund for a bit. That's what the rest of us have to do.