I know everyone has their snowed-in, stuck-in-a-10-foot-drift, built-a-20ft-snowman story, but I think I can trump the lot.
Last night, a 40-foot articulated lorry came to stay. It was seven hours late and had a Slovakian driver who was keen to unload. That was fine, but there was a major language barrier. So instead of reversing into the drive like it says in the Heavy Goods Vehicle Driver’s Manual, he drove onto an ice and snow covered incline.
You can guess the rest. Well you can’t. First of all he couldn’t move. Then I offered to hitch up the Land Rover Series 3. There was smoke, the smell of a disintegrating Landie clutch and actually a bit of movement in the right direction. Unfortunately he then decided to drive a tad further forward off the Tarmac and onto the grass. Admittedly under snow, but he should have realised having scouted around the front first, so obviously the cab sunk in.
I have a low-quality video of my Land Rover pulling the lorry, basically a set of small lights failing to shift the fairly lit bed. I probably won’t bother YouTube with it. That meant the Slovakian spent the night in our drive occasionally firing up the engine to warm his cab.
At first light, 7am, there was more bad news, the diesel pipe had been dislodged by the off-road excursion and there is now goodness knows how many litres off the stuff on my lawn. With a torch, a pair of pliers and a cable tie we managed to stem the flow.
When my farmer mate turns up with his tractor, he shakes his head and I utter the line, "We’re going to need a bigger tractor". Lucklily his neighbour has just that, but sadly I missed the massive four-wheel drive doing it’s stuff on account of the school run. Apparently it took just a couple of seconds to pluck the lorry from its resting place.
And the moral of this story is? Don’t let a lorry drive onto your drive? Learn Slovakian? Nope, always make sure that you know someone who at least knows someone else with a bloody great four-wheel-drive tractor.
So snowbound Autocarists, top that…