I’m fed up working for Autocar. The pay is risible, the hours terrible and the abuse I have to take on a daily basis is outrageous. [Shut it Ruppert, and make some tea – Ed]. So when I saw an advertisement for the post of Chief Executive of the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) it looked like the perfect job for me.

There is a massive amount of room for improvement and I think I could make DVLA a whole lot better. It is a big bloated organisation that, incredibly, has 5000 employees. Essentially what they do is admin, and you don’t need that many people to simply push records around computers.

Also, the fundamental problem with the way vehicle registrations are organised is that the car and its history does not attach to the owner. I’d sort that out with a smart, swipeable card. Maybe I’ll overhaul the registration system if I have the time.

The biggest obstacle to me getting the top DVLA job is of course, me. They want strong leadership skills and to be honest I’ve been a one man (and occasionally two man, or a man and woman) band for the last 28 years.

Mind you, the role needs ‘a strong customer ethos’ and I’ve definitely got that. I still sell stuff and know about keeping people happy so they come back and buy more.

One big problem is that I have never run a huge bureaucratic outfit. Personally I see it as a massive advantage, because if they want to change things then I’m the bloke to do it.

Not being on the public sector job merry-go–round is an issue, especially as I will, ‘need to build strong relationships with a range of stakeholders, including Ministers’. That sounds quite grim, having to get on with MPs who have been promoted above their ability levels, but I am sure I can cope.

Oh yes, and I’ll happily move to Swansea.

I will let you know how I get on.

In the meantime, please comment on which parts of the DVLA you would like fixed.